Author: Carrie Sue Barnes

Carrie Sue Barnes is a fiction author and blogger who fell in love with creative writing as a grade schooler in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. She resides now in Wisconsin with her family, often pulling her love for the Midwest into her writing. Carrie Sue's debut novel, The Hidden Legacy, was released in 2018 by Bold Vision Books to strong reviews. Since then, she has published several short stories and continues to write short fiction and faith-inspired reflections on this site. Carrie Sue loves reading, kayaking, hugging her children and friends, rewatching The Office, and connecting with readers in person and on social media.
Gratitude, Personal Reflection

Whines, Weddings and Wines

Carrie Sue Barnes

The crying, screaming, whining children were out in full force at the grocery store today. WOW. It is fifteen minute intervals like those that remind me how glad I am to be an aunt and how little of a hurry I’m in to be a mother.

During lunch break I posted pictures on facebook from my friend Tina’s wedding this past weekend. It was a rather gorgeous event. I enjoyed every minute and drove away from the reception hall thinking how extraordinarily blessed I am by the friends and family who surrounded me as I grew up. It was a weekend of realizing how much I’ve overlooked the many ways the Lord took care of me simply by placing me in the circumstances He chose when I was born.

I just received an email from 2 Lads Winery on Old Mission Peninsula. The Chardonnay that I had a chance to taste from the barrel in May is now bottled and ready to sell. Would it be an inexcusable waste of time and money to drive down there to buy some? Don’t judge me. You haven’t tasted it. I emailed to ask if they ship their wines for out of town orders. Here’s hoping…

Midwest

Cruising

Carrie Sue Barnes

Do you know what was one of the highest highlights of the weekend? Besides the terrifically beautiful wedding, the part that put a lasting smile on my face was the driving. Not to and from home, that’s just a straight shot of about 100 miles on Hwy 41. But once we were up there, in Menominee County, we hit the country roads. To the supper club for the rehearsal dinner, to the campground, to the wedding reception, all via curving, hilly, bumpy county highways. I love driving those roads. The uneven and narrow pavement is flanked by bright green fields and rows upon rows of trees. Farms and homesteads replace subdivisions and cross traffic refers to deer and raccoons rather than cars. For one reason or another, I enjoyed the driving much more than usual. It was probably that I didn’t concentrate on anything else. Usually, when I’m driving, that’s a good time to think through dilemmas, go back over conversations that have lingered in my mind, or consider what will be happening in the next day or so. My brain doesn’t naturally slow down, it has to be commanded to do so. This weekend, it obeyed. While driving, I thought of only what I was seeing. I need to try that more often!

Writing

Weekend Wahoos

Carrie Sue Barnes

Twenty-four minutes until my work week is finished and I can head home. Only stopping there for a brief visit though, to gather my suitcase and my sister, then it’s time to drive to the good old hometown of Stephenson, MI. Tina’s wedding is tomorrow, which means rehearsal and dinner tonight. Bonus: today is my dear friend, Erin’s birthday and I’ll actually get to spend some time with her tonight. She and her husband are camping out on Lake Michigan at our favorite little park so we will keep company with them after the rehearsal dinner. I’m bringing the cake!

My head is pounding and I just don’t care. Today is a better day than I’ve had in probably two or three weeks straight. This isn’t because of the great weekend ahead, but rather because of the great writing ahead. Traveling, over-socializing, tennis lesson-ing and Bible studying have kept me much too busy, much too able to set aside the book for a very long time. Packed full days turn into packed full weeks, tiredness turns into mental listlessness, and my pen and paper sit neglected in the center desk drawer. I pulled it out earlier this week though. The first day, I left it alone. Let it see the sunlight and breathe the fresh air, but didn’t give it any personal attention. Anytime I stay away too long, I become afraid that I will read what was last written and be forced to admit that it is, for lack of a better term, crap. Fear is my greatest enemy in this matter of writing (and in other matters too, but that’s beside the point). Day two of the notebook being out of the drawer, I read chapters one and two. I remembered how much I care about this story, how excited I am to create these characters. Day three, I read chapter three. My imagination is poised to run with this story. Reinvigorated: that is the summarizing word.

Faith, Gratitude, Personal Reflection

Listening and Lacking

Carrie Sue Barnes

“It’s like forgetting the words to your favorite song. You can’t believe it; you were always singing along. It was so easy and the words so sweet. You can’t remember; you try to feel the beat.” I’m listening to the new Regina Spektor album, “Far,” and I’m loving this tune.

I repeatedly slip down that slippery slope of feeling sorry for myself. Not enough time to write; short on energy to clean the house; no free evening to tackle the yard work; still unpublished; still single. So go the thoughts, twisting my spirit into a taut braid of impatience and disappointment. This ditch of negativity isn’t where I’d like to be but sometimes the temptation to dwell there is stronger than my will to stay above ground. Thing is, my mind has been racked in the last two days with reminders of how protected I am from any real reason to pity myself. I think of my friend’s mother suffering through another round of debilitating cancer treatments. Or my aunt who just found out she has to have a hip replaced. Or my sister who has lived in perpetual and intense pain for the last 2 years. I think of them and realize how utterly selfish it is to spend so many moments thinking about myself and the way I wish my life would go, rather than praying for them and countless others.

The past several years have chipped away at my pride, leaving it scarred and defensive. It’s hard to pray when you’re tired of the answers God keeps giving. I guess that’s in keeping with the nature of humility though, isn’t it – to keep going back to the only One who can satisfy no matter how badly you wish you could tailor that satisfaction; to know, without doubt, that you must go back to Him again today or today will fall apart.

Hope

Distracted by Hope

Carrie Sue Barnes

This morning I’m having trouble concentrating. Maybe it’s the sunshine, my view of which the cubicle walls are cruelly obstructing. Maybe it’s the weekend full of good things that I didn’t want to see end. Maybe it’s the fact that I just noticed the bat is missing from the Ryan Braun bobblehead that stands next to my monitor… … Okay, found Ryan’s bat. Anyway, whatever the combination of causes, I am distracted today. I am trying to decide what could help. A mind-clearing walk would probably do the trick, especially if that walk took me to the adoration chapel for some time in prayer.

I’m wrestling with hopefulness. Optimism comes naturally to me, 92% of the time, but it also has a history of disappointing me. The call to be hopeful, as a Christian, is always resonating in my heart, compelling me to see the possibility in things, the potential and the silver lining. I can feel it pulling at me again. The great hope of eternal life won for me by Christ (the hope that doesn’t disappoint) spills over into littler hopes. But are there times that prudence or wisdom would have me curb the hopefulness, temper the optimism? The long fall when smaller hopes disappoint can really bruise.

Personal Reflection

Procrastibloginating

Carrie Sue Barnes

Another entirely self-serving usage of this blog: procrastination. It’s time to file our company sales taxes again. As this is my least favorite job duty (i.e. I loathe it), I tend to set it aside until I really have nothing else to do and no excuses left. Every month I file sales tax in about 10 states, every quarter it increases to 30, and with every new year, I file in a total of 37 states in which we do business. It’s tedious and time consuming and throughout the process, I carry this vague feeling that I still have no clue what I’m doing and I might be setting my company up for trouble with the IRS. My boss continues to have confidence that I’ve figured this whole sales tax thing out and as I like gainful employment, I try not to undermine that impression.

It’s the weekend! Or it will be in 7.5 hours. This weekend I am staying in Appleton. June is disappearing by way of packed weekends, chaotic weeks and so far, very little warmth. But this weekend will be different. Sunshine and 70’s are forecasted. My car will not drive further than 8 miles in any given journey. (That’s the distance to the town where my church is located.) I’ll actually make it back to the gym now that my foot feels better. Tomorrow night I will chill at the minor league baseball game, assuming rain doesn’t ruin those plans. Any necessary preparation for the six week Bible study I begin leading on Monday will get done. Who knows, maybe I’ll even dust off my notepad and start chapter four of The Mercy Hour. My pen and paper ought to be taken into protective custody for how shamefully I’ve neglected them of late.

Alright, but first I have to trudge through these taxes. Copper Boom!

Faith, Scripture

Without Worry

Carrie Sue Barnes

After writing an email encouraging a friend not to worry over a situation, I was thinking over what it means to not worry. My mind immediately goes to the Gospel of Matthew, chapter six: Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’ All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil. (vv. 25-34)

Don’t you love that sort of backhanded reassurance at the close of the passage? Every time I read it, I think maybe Jesus didn’t need to add that to his otherwise highly uplifting words. Taken negatively, it is sort of this last ditch effort to convince us we shouldn’t worry about tomorrow. “If the truth that God provides and is faithful and generous doesn’t keep you from worrying, well, then, just focus on the fact that there is enough problems today to keep you well occupied without adding in everthing that might be wrong with tomorrow.” Probably not what Jesus wanted to convey to the listening crowd on the hill that day. So I will take a second look… “Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.” What it causes me to keep in mind is that there are, in fact, plenty of things to worry about. It is not that Jesus is telling us there are no reasons to worry, no problems, dilemmas or hardships. No, I would never dare to say that there is nothing to worry about. Instead, I come to a two-fold, rather uplifting conclusion. Firstly, worry over tomorrow or any future day’s problems is utterly pointless. It is only today that I can do something about, not tomorrow. Secondly, while we can acknowledge the “sufficient” causes for worry in a day’s time, Jesus has given us every reason to choose not to worry. Did He not just say that God knows of everything we need, and that He will provide for us far beyond the ways He provides for the rest of His creation? It may seem like a fine line, but there’s actually a sizeable difference between trying to convince yourself that you have nothing to worry about versus choosing not to worry about any of it. Like so many aspects of the Christian life, living without worry is a matter of choosing truth, choosing hope, choosing faith.

I love this Winston Churchill quotation: “When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” A very freeing realization, if taken positively, is that I do not know what tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year will bring. I don’t know. It’s a humbling truth about being human, but awfully wonderful too… assuming I have faith in the great God in heaven who does know all that will and won’t happen. Surrendering worries, be they valid concerns or imagined problems, into God’s hands is the most logical action a person can take. It doesn’t mean ignoring what needs to be done, or neglecting to take care of ourselves or make reasonable preparations for the future. No, surrender is not synonymous with inaction. It is choosing to entrust to God everything that might tempt you to worry; it is living and moving within the guiding, protective care of God’s faithfulness and wisdom; it is being honest with yourself about what you can do, what you can’t do, what God calls you to do, and what God calls you to let Him do.