Category: Gratitude

Gratitude, Personal Reflection

Whines, Weddings and Wines

Carrie Sue Barnes

The crying, screaming, whining children were out in full force at the grocery store today. WOW. It is fifteen minute intervals like those that remind me how glad I am to be an aunt and how little of a hurry I’m in to be a mother.

During lunch break I posted pictures on facebook from my friend Tina’s wedding this past weekend. It was a rather gorgeous event. I enjoyed every minute and drove away from the reception hall thinking how extraordinarily blessed I am by the friends and family who surrounded me as I grew up. It was a weekend of realizing how much I’ve overlooked the many ways the Lord took care of me simply by placing me in the circumstances He chose when I was born.

I just received an email from 2 Lads Winery on Old Mission Peninsula. The Chardonnay that I had a chance to taste from the barrel in May is now bottled and ready to sell. Would it be an inexcusable waste of time and money to drive down there to buy some? Don’t judge me. You haven’t tasted it. I emailed to ask if they ship their wines for out of town orders. Here’s hoping…

Faith, Gratitude, Personal Reflection

Listening and Lacking

Carrie Sue Barnes

“It’s like forgetting the words to your favorite song. You can’t believe it; you were always singing along. It was so easy and the words so sweet. You can’t remember; you try to feel the beat.” I’m listening to the new Regina Spektor album, “Far,” and I’m loving this tune.

I repeatedly slip down that slippery slope of feeling sorry for myself. Not enough time to write; short on energy to clean the house; no free evening to tackle the yard work; still unpublished; still single. So go the thoughts, twisting my spirit into a taut braid of impatience and disappointment. This ditch of negativity isn’t where I’d like to be but sometimes the temptation to dwell there is stronger than my will to stay above ground. Thing is, my mind has been racked in the last two days with reminders of how protected I am from any real reason to pity myself. I think of my friend’s mother suffering through another round of debilitating cancer treatments. Or my aunt who just found out she has to have a hip replaced. Or my sister who has lived in perpetual and intense pain for the last 2 years. I think of them and realize how utterly selfish it is to spend so many moments thinking about myself and the way I wish my life would go, rather than praying for them and countless others.

The past several years have chipped away at my pride, leaving it scarred and defensive. It’s hard to pray when you’re tired of the answers God keeps giving. I guess that’s in keeping with the nature of humility though, isn’t it – to keep going back to the only One who can satisfy no matter how badly you wish you could tailor that satisfaction; to know, without doubt, that you must go back to Him again today or today will fall apart.

Family, Gratitude

Oodles of Blessings

Carrie Sue Barnes

You know that sunshine I was craving yesterday? It’s here! Bright and golden, albeit not too warm yet. I love the sight of it.

My sister, Julie and her family are moving to Wisconsin from Connecticut next month. I never expected for all five of the Ebsch sisters to live in the same area. We haven’t even been in the same state since I was three years old, much less within a 90 minute radius of each other. It’ll be a great thing to have her, her husband and their two girls nearby. I am hoping it will end up being a great blessing for their little family too. I know the move is a significant change for them, in more ways than one.

This morning I was blessed with laughter because of this:

There are some long running, highly entertaining llama jokes between my roomies and I (which I am unable to effectively explain here or anywhere) but this pic might just top them all. Take a moment and enjoy… don’t miss the llamas packed into the back seat… or the question of whether or not the hole in the windshield was put there by a hoof…

Another morning activity was finding material for our handouts at this month’s Adult Faith Night. The evening is focused on spiritual warfare. (Yes, that’s my morning: llamas and spiritual warfare.) I found and read through a great address by Fr. John Hardon on one of St. Ignatius’ Spiritual Exercises. It was not only ideal for the handouts I need to put together for Thursday but was a faith-bolstering and challenging read for myself as well. I think I need to add the Spiritual Exercises to my ever growing list of spirtuality books to read.

I suppose you could sum up my mood today as glad. I am gladdened by my wonderful family and the promise of true spring outside these office windows. I am gladdened by the time I have this week to develop the first chapters of my new novel. I am gladdened by the knowledge of and faith in God’s overwhelming victory over evil and my part in His triumph should I remain faithful and vigilant. All is not perfect. All is not solved or decided. The enemy would have me dwell in what does not gladden me – sources of distress and unrest, conflicts and disappointments. I will not dwell there. While not pretending that everything is right and good, I will also not ignore the abundance of right and good blessings poured over me.

“In the world you will have trouble, but take courage;
I have overcome the world.”
(Jesus, John 16:33)
Gratitude

Granted

Carrie Sue Barnes
Well this day’s been crazy
But everything’s happened on schedule
from the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
‘Cause You knew how You’d save me
before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt
~Caedmon’s Call, “Table for Two”

Things I’ve taken for granted since waking up this morning:
-waking up this morning
-the 7 hours of sleep I had
-indoor plumbing
-breakfast to eat
-more than enough clothing to choose from
-a functioning, comfortable vehicle
-employment
-a safe drive to work
-my roommates
-the clean drinking water I’ve been enjoying since 8 a.m.
-lunch
-high speed internet
-shoes on my feet
-SALVATION

My thoughts upon rising more easily roll toward the expectations of the day. What do I want out of the day? What will be expected of me? What responsibilities should I fulfill? Will I like the weather today? Will I have time to relax this evening? Can I sleep ten more minutes? Even when they are not negative, my thoughts hang back from the realm of joy. If my mind catches on to a specific good thing, it lifts with gladness. Maybe that gladness is enough to shape my mood for the day, maybe it isn’t. Falls pretty far short of joy, wouldn’t you say? Isn’t it in the character of joy to be enduring? Joy, true joy, is unaltered by the passing bad things, and certainly not weakened by the abundance of what I treat as neutral things. It is not an emotion, though it can influence our emotions at every turn.

It isn’t that I expect myself to become someone who is always consciously thankful for these and all the other things I simply assume will exist in my life. Nonetheless, I do expect myself to be consciously thankful for them on occasion, and to always be subconsciously thankful. That is, to live in a state of gratitude. Even when not pondering the particular blessings, the thankfulness can be present – a resident of my soul. Gratitude gives rise to joy, to graciousness and to the desire to worship. Joy is indeed enduring, but it is contingent on an enduring effort to choose joy.

Perhaps it is precisely in the overlooked that I could find strength for the effort. For it is all granted by God, is it not? It is in His hands, in His will, whether I wake today or I do not. When I come around to these moments of recognition, I must round the corner from gratitude for what has been given to joy in knowing the Giver.

And this is the happy life, to rejoice to Thee, of Thee, for Thee; this it is, and there is no other. ~St. Augustine