Sorry about that ranting blog last night. I was in a mood, and in that particular mood, I probably shouldn’t blog. Then again, it was honest. It isn’t as if I’m trying to paint an unrealistically pretty picture of myself on this blog. It’s just me, thinking out loud.
This morning I did what I should have done last night, which was to pray. I prayed for a spirit of contentment. For even if my life doesn’t squeeze into the custom-cut frame in which I’d like to fit it, it is not meant to be degraded by anger, jealousy or self-pity. God intends for me to be happy; the specifics of the happiness are often not my preferred specifics, but the source and reason for the happiness… well that’s established, lasting, incomparable. I have to rest on that when I’m weary of all the waiting, all the trying for the peripheral good things.
St. Peter’s words that I read this morning come at me like a command: “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while you may have to suffer various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold which though perishable is tested by fire, may redound to praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Without having seen him you love him; though you do not now see him you believe in him and rejoice with unutterable and exalted joy.” (1 Peter 1:6-8) I am not only deserving of better than disappointment, jealousy and selfishness, but I have a call to choose better. I am behooved to rejoice, to endure the tests for the edification of my faith and the glory of God. How can it not be so for one who was “ransomed… not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot. He was destined before the foundation of the world but was made manifest at the end of the times for your sake. Through him you have confidence in God, who raised him from the dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God.”(1:18-21)