Category: Scripture

Advent, Catholicism, Christmas, Faith, Hope, Jesus, Prayer, Scripture

A Home on the Holy Mountain – Advent Reflection, December 5th

Carrie Sue Barnes

Week One, Tuesday – December 5th

The baby shall play by the cobra’s den, and the child shall lay his hand on the adder’s lair. There shall be no harm or ruin on all my holy mountain; for the earth shall be filled with knowledge of the Lord, as water covers the sea.

Isaiah 11:8-9, NAB

I have a plethora of worries. It’s common for me to dub them concerns or apprehensions. I tell myself I’m only being aware and realistic. Most of the time though, I’m just plain old worrying. Much of it is tied to my children’s wellbeing, so you can be darn sure that if I saw my son or daughter traipsing anywhere near a cobra’s den, I’d be filled up with worry in a heartbeat. With that worry would come along anxiousness and a decent helping of stress.

As I write that, I realize how terribly often those words describe my state of mind. Worried, anxious, stressed, and over such a variety of matters. Maybe that is why Isaiah’s description of the peace in God’s kingdom has such a soothing appeal.

“There shall be no harm or ruin on all my holy mountain.”

Yes, please! Let me build my home there!

What is incredible about our loving God is He builds us a home there. He promises us a place in this kingdom of peace, justice, and full knowledge of the Lord. Does He stop there? No. He then comes and lives among us. He shows us by His own example how to love and pursue the kingdom of God.

Is that all? It is already so much. No, that is not all. He spells it out as simply as we need: “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). “And when I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also” (John 14:3). Then He bridges the gap between us and the kingdom – the gap of sin and death – and does so out of love alone.

When I consider how heavily my anxieties and fears sit upon my heart and exhaust my spirit, the freedom of living on His holy mountain seems like a dream. It is not a dream though. The Lord has made it a reality for me. For you. For each person I love. He wants me there with Him even more than I want to be there.

Many cultural messages attempt to claim that I can possess that desired home of perfect peace within this fallen world. Lord, guard my heart and mind against this fallacy. You are the way there. You are the truth of what peace awaits me in the eternal home you prepare. You are the life I will choose here until I reach the fullness of your kingdom.

Open the eyes of my soul to see the glimpses of that kingdom here and now, but keep my feet pointed toward your holy mountain.

Advent, Catholicism, Christmas, Faith, Holiness, Jesus, Prayer, Scripture

A Marvelous Faith – Advent Reflection, December 4th

Carrie Sue Barnes

Week One, Monday – December 4th

But the centurion answered him, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof; but only say the word, and my servant will be healed.”

Matthew 8:8, RSV

The fifth graders I teach at church on Wednesday nights are fluent in the language of distractions. The weekly lessons are often interrupted by random questions and comments from them, or by efforts to quiet their chatter by me. Once in a while, a question seems prompted more by the Holy Spirit than by the kids’ restlessness, and an unexpectedly rich discussion arises from it.

“What does humility mean?” That was the one in a recent class that derailed my lesson plan in all the right ways.

The centurion of Matthew, chapter eight stands in the forefront of my understanding of humility. I paraphrase his own words, in unison with the rest of the congregation, before receiving holy communion at Mass each week: “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.”

Humility does not stop me from going to the Lord. Recognizing my unworthiness of God’s love is not an obstacle to receiving God’s love. Humility acknowledges my inherent worth, my abilities, and the value of my life in this world. Simultaneously, humility understands that all of that worth comes from being made in the image and likeness of God, and then being loved perfectly by Him. It says, “I am worthwhile, and all that is worthwhile in me ought to bring glory to Him.”

How better than that can I love Him back?

The centurion had faith strong enough to make Jesus marvel (Matthew 8:10). He was a Roman soldier, not a dedicated attendant of the preacher Jesus’s sermons; nor was he a man with opportunities to sit with Jesus, listening and speaking with Him as the disciples did. He was a ranking soldier managing the community, and likely hearing from various sources of the words and deeds of this Jesus of Nazareth. Perhaps he occasionally witnessed them with his own eyes and ears. Whatever his experience with Jesus, it was enough. He was a man who believed in what Jesus proclaimed and showed Himself to be. The centurion knew his unworthiness to host Jesus under his own roof, and also knew Jesus was exactly who he could and should turn to in his need.

That is humility. That is marvelous faith.

Lord, I am unworthy to be the temple you declare me to be. For you to dwell in me by baptism and nourish me with your own sacred body and blood is far more than I deserve. Yet you created me to be exactly that, your dwelling place. Even in humility, I can sing, “How lovely is thy dwelling place, O Lord of hosts!” (Psalm 84:1) and hope You marvel over any moment when my faith gives You glory.

Advent, Catholicism, Christmas, Faith, Holiness, Jesus, Love, Prayer, Scripture

Our God is Like No Other – Advent Reflection, December 3rd

Carrie Sue Barnes

Week One, Sunday – December 3rd

From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides thee, who works for those who wait for him.

Isaiah 64:4, RSV

There are occasional moments when I am overcome by the love of God. I meet the eyes of the stranger taking my meal order or passing me in the store aisle, and hear the Lord say, “I died for this one.” I listen to my children’s laughter and I am filled with awareness that God loves me infinitely more than the humungous love I have for them.

It’s happening right now. I’m writing this at a high-top table in my favorite local cafe, with tears running down my cheeks and a full smile on my face. I’m pretty sure the manager is questioning if he should check on my mental stability.

All good here, sir! I just needed this vanilla chai more than I realized.

This God we love and worship conducts Himself in a wholly unique way. He is a God who serves. He pours Himself out for the ones He loves. He loves! That alone sets Him apart from any other god with whom we could align ourselves.

He loves His lowly creatures; these beings whose existence depends entirely on his divine choice. Our God does not regard us with self-gratifying pride because any good in us is a credit to Him (which is true enough). No, He loves. He crafts us in His own incredible image — in endlessly creative ways — and calls out to our hearts from the moment we are created until we see Him face to face.

He gives Himself to me. He reveals to me my value. He places Himself in unworthy human hands, first by the Incarnation of Jesus Christ, true God and true man, and forever after in every Eucharist I receive.

This Advent, as I prepare to celebrate His marvelous work of the humble birth of Jesus, my prayer is for my heart to fall deeper in love with this God “who works for those who wait for him.” I pray that I will give myself permission to get emotional over his love, and be touched by it in the spaces of my heart that need Him most. I pray that however His love affects me, I’ll have the courage not to thwart it.

Faith, Personal Reflection, Prayer, Scripture

The Two Faces of Still

Carrie Sue Barnes

I have spent what feels like plenty of time growing my knowledge of the effects of trauma, the stages of healing from it, and the gentle patience required to do so. No matter the amount of understanding though, there are days when it all seems to be taking too long. How can these things of the past still weigh so heavily? How do they still influence my emotions as often as they do? Why am I still discovering what sets off my trauma responses?

Still, still, still.

“It’s taking too long, Lord!” I have cried out on more than one occasion.

In those instances, He patiently reminds me that the time spent healing is still small; still disproportionate to the years spent on the receiving end of the relevant experiences. My therapist’s words repeat in my mind, “It’s still early.”

Still, still, still.

How tremendously often that word arises. It happened again last night. I was caught up in the undesirable realities that linger. I am still not writing with any ease. I am still fearful of connection and relationship. I still can’t fall asleep many nights. I still succumb to overwhelm in the face of trauma-triggering circumstances.

“It’s still taking too long, Lord!”

This morning, God invited me to push back and flip that word around. He nudged me to claim it for better things.

“The Lord will fight for you; and you have only to be still” (Exodus 14:14, RSV).

“Be still, and know that I am God; I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10, RSV).

“He awoke and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, ‘Peace! Be still!’ And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm” (Mark 4:39, RSV).

“Now therefore, stand still and see this great thing which the Lord will do before your eyes” (1 Samuel 12:16, RSV).

How different “still” can be from one meaning to the next. I wrestle with all that I strive to release and from which I long to be free. God instructs and invites me, even commands me, to be still.

Me. The storms. The discontent, the fighting, and the fear. Be still.

One detail I note from those verses and others is the stillness occurs in the presence of the Lord as well as right in the circumstances requiring His grace. Amongst the waves and in the thick of the waiting, when what lies ahead remains unknown, and in the face of the fight at hand, I can come before Him and be still.

Be still. God is present.

Be still. God fights.

Be still. God calms.

Be still. God restores.

Be still. God reigns.

Photo by Carrie Sue Barnes
Faith, Hope, Personal Reflection, Scripture

Loud Fears and Quiet Desires – New Year’s 2021

Carrie Sue Barnes

I spent all of yesterday, New Year’s Eve, trying to concoct a meaningful way to spend the final day of 2020. My inability to land on anything had me avoiding most possible activities and instead hiding with my nose in a book for as much of the day as possible. Now, that’s a pretty darn good way to spend a day, but that isn’t what I truly wanted for myself in the final 24 hours of the year we’d endured.

I wanted to conquer an unfinished home project. I wanted to exercise. I wanted to write more of a new story. I wanted… to not feel frozen by the fear that the coming year will look no different from (or worse than) the one ending.

That’s really how I spent yesterday: frozen. My thoughts ran a ponderous path about resolutions and expectations for 2021 and I discovered I was afraid. I am afraid. I’m afraid to make any resolutions that will set me up for further disappointment in myself. I’m afraid to name particular goals only to see the year pass without reaching them. I’m afraid to pin any hope on the expectation that 2021 will be better.

The truth is, I’ve never been gung-ho about resolutions and yearly goals for drastic changes. So I’ve tried to tell myself this doesn’t matter. As the past year has felt different than others in so many ways, though, so does this marking of the new year. There’s a longing for change, for better, that is pressing in on me.

Now, here we are. New Year’s Day. I woke up still feeling afraid to link any goal to the timeline of this year. The certainty of disappointment is a leech, draining my typical optimism and difficult to remove once it’s latched on.

The reason I ended up here, typing up a blog post about plans for the new year while still afraid to make any plans for the new year, is the intuition that I am not alone. 2020 brought me grief and loneliness, undesired changes and scrapped plans. It stole the balance I’d previously (imperfectly) achieved. I feel like I’ve been stumbling through week after week, instead of walking upright with at least a partial view of the path before me. I’m not alone in that, right?

This is the point in the inspirational blog post when I should point out that “God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7) and that God’s “grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). That’s how it might have read if I was writing it on other New Year’s mornings. I’d have wrapped it up there, built up by the words of scripture and moving forward with my hope firmly anchored in Him.

It’s ok if you’re not there, if the moving forward in hope part isn’t ready to happen yet. Maybe that’s what I really came here to say. Wherever you are right now, you can work with it. God can work with it. The calendar doesn’t have any say in God’s timeline. I’m grateful for that this New Year’s morning.

When the fears fall silent and I listen closely enough, I can hear the desires of my heart. Though I am afraid to admit them, there are some very particular goals I long to fulfill this year. There are specific changes called for in my life.

I will listen to those desires of my heart more than the fear lodging there. That’s the only resolution to share. Pursuing their voice over lesser noises might be the key to every way in which I can make 2021 better than 2020.

Catholicism, Faith, Holiness, Jesus, Scripture

The Narrow Way

Carrie Sue Barnes

Today’s Gospel reflection for Catholicmom.com is from yours truly. I wrote it a few months ago actually. Rereading it this morning when it was published, I’m struck by how the Holy Spirit knew that even I would need these words at this time. Perhaps they’ll mean something for you too.

Today’s Gospel reading is Matthew 7:6, 12-14.

Click here for my thoughts on the Lord’s words about the narrow path of discipleship.

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Photo Credit: CatholicMom.com

Dignity, Family, Gratitude, Intentionality, Motherhood, Scripture, Worthy

Do Not Laugh – Thoughts on Compliments, Selfies, and Psalm 139:14

Carrie Sue Barnes
My three and a half year old son walked into my bedroom as I finished combing my hair. Mentally, I was running through what remained of readying ourselves for the day. I was distracted and about to send him back out with instructions to brush his teeth so we could leave on time.
He cut me off with his words, “Mommy, you look beautiful. You should take a picture.”

Immediately, a voice spoke in my head, “Do not laugh.”

I had to close my mouth because that was the exact response I was about to make.

I looked my son in the eye, smiled, and said, “Thank you, peanut,” and put my comb away.

He remained at my side, waiting.

“Take a picture.”

The voice was there again. “Do not laugh.”

Don’t laugh at his admiration for you. Don’t dismiss the clarity with which he sees you; clarity that is fogged up in you by years of insecurities.

I didn’t laugh. Instead, I took the picture. He asked to see it. Satisfied, he gave me one more heart-stealing smile, then bounded away to see what his sister was up to elsewhere.

Honestly, I almost deleted the photo. What did I need it for? I saw the roundness of the belly where I’d love for it to be flatter; the softness of the arms where I wish they were toned. I saw the gray hairs I don’t pull out anymore. I saw the migraine behind my eyes, and the thick glasses because I didn’t feel like putting in my contacts when I could barely stand to have my eyes open in the daylight. I saw the awkward half-smile because selfies seem meant for younger, perkier people.

Why didn’t I delete the photo?

I didn’t delete it because of a hunch that every mom ever caught off guard by their child’s admiration could relate to the thoughts filling my head. I even had a feeling that the dads out there can relate to it all, perhaps when their children look at them with unwavering confidence in their strength and capabilities.

I didn’t delete the photo because, while the things I saw in it are real and true, the things my son sees are real and true as well.

I not only saved the photo, but decided to share it here because of Psalm 139:14, “I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are your works, and my soul knows it well.”

Years aged.

Extra pounds carried.

Hair grayed and thinned.

Body tired.

Pains and illnesses endured.

Patience lost.

Voice raised.

Mistakes made.

Weaknesses experienced.

None of these eliminate the truth my child sees and accepts about me, or your child about you: that I am, and you are, “fearfully and wonderfully made.”

The next time you encounter that truth, whatever the source, don’t laugh it off. Don’t dismiss it or argue against it, mentally or aloud. Hear it. Be grateful for it. Let it sink in until you can say, “my soul knows it well.”