Category: Prayer

Advent, Catholicism, Christmas, Faith, Hope, Jesus, Prayer, Scripture

A Home on the Holy Mountain – Advent Reflection, December 5th

Carrie Sue Barnes

Week One, Tuesday – December 5th

The baby shall play by the cobra’s den, and the child shall lay his hand on the adder’s lair. There shall be no harm or ruin on all my holy mountain; for the earth shall be filled with knowledge of the Lord, as water covers the sea.

Isaiah 11:8-9, NAB

I have a plethora of worries. It’s common for me to dub them concerns or apprehensions. I tell myself I’m only being aware and realistic. Most of the time though, I’m just plain old worrying. Much of it is tied to my children’s wellbeing, so you can be darn sure that if I saw my son or daughter traipsing anywhere near a cobra’s den, I’d be filled up with worry in a heartbeat. With that worry would come along anxiousness and a decent helping of stress.

As I write that, I realize how terribly often those words describe my state of mind. Worried, anxious, stressed, and over such a variety of matters. Maybe that is why Isaiah’s description of the peace in God’s kingdom has such a soothing appeal.

“There shall be no harm or ruin on all my holy mountain.”

Yes, please! Let me build my home there!

What is incredible about our loving God is He builds us a home there. He promises us a place in this kingdom of peace, justice, and full knowledge of the Lord. Does He stop there? No. He then comes and lives among us. He shows us by His own example how to love and pursue the kingdom of God.

Is that all? It is already so much. No, that is not all. He spells it out as simply as we need: “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). “And when I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also” (John 14:3). Then He bridges the gap between us and the kingdom – the gap of sin and death – and does so out of love alone.

When I consider how heavily my anxieties and fears sit upon my heart and exhaust my spirit, the freedom of living on His holy mountain seems like a dream. It is not a dream though. The Lord has made it a reality for me. For you. For each person I love. He wants me there with Him even more than I want to be there.

Many cultural messages attempt to claim that I can possess that desired home of perfect peace within this fallen world. Lord, guard my heart and mind against this fallacy. You are the way there. You are the truth of what peace awaits me in the eternal home you prepare. You are the life I will choose here until I reach the fullness of your kingdom.

Open the eyes of my soul to see the glimpses of that kingdom here and now, but keep my feet pointed toward your holy mountain.

Advent, Catholicism, Christmas, Faith, Holiness, Jesus, Prayer, Scripture

A Marvelous Faith – Advent Reflection, December 4th

Carrie Sue Barnes

Week One, Monday – December 4th

But the centurion answered him, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof; but only say the word, and my servant will be healed.”

Matthew 8:8, RSV

The fifth graders I teach at church on Wednesday nights are fluent in the language of distractions. The weekly lessons are often interrupted by random questions and comments from them, or by efforts to quiet their chatter by me. Once in a while, a question seems prompted more by the Holy Spirit than by the kids’ restlessness, and an unexpectedly rich discussion arises from it.

“What does humility mean?” That was the one in a recent class that derailed my lesson plan in all the right ways.

The centurion of Matthew, chapter eight stands in the forefront of my understanding of humility. I paraphrase his own words, in unison with the rest of the congregation, before receiving holy communion at Mass each week: “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.”

Humility does not stop me from going to the Lord. Recognizing my unworthiness of God’s love is not an obstacle to receiving God’s love. Humility acknowledges my inherent worth, my abilities, and the value of my life in this world. Simultaneously, humility understands that all of that worth comes from being made in the image and likeness of God, and then being loved perfectly by Him. It says, “I am worthwhile, and all that is worthwhile in me ought to bring glory to Him.”

How better than that can I love Him back?

The centurion had faith strong enough to make Jesus marvel (Matthew 8:10). He was a Roman soldier, not a dedicated attendant of the preacher Jesus’s sermons; nor was he a man with opportunities to sit with Jesus, listening and speaking with Him as the disciples did. He was a ranking soldier managing the community, and likely hearing from various sources of the words and deeds of this Jesus of Nazareth. Perhaps he occasionally witnessed them with his own eyes and ears. Whatever his experience with Jesus, it was enough. He was a man who believed in what Jesus proclaimed and showed Himself to be. The centurion knew his unworthiness to host Jesus under his own roof, and also knew Jesus was exactly who he could and should turn to in his need.

That is humility. That is marvelous faith.

Lord, I am unworthy to be the temple you declare me to be. For you to dwell in me by baptism and nourish me with your own sacred body and blood is far more than I deserve. Yet you created me to be exactly that, your dwelling place. Even in humility, I can sing, “How lovely is thy dwelling place, O Lord of hosts!” (Psalm 84:1) and hope You marvel over any moment when my faith gives You glory.

Advent, Catholicism, Christmas, Faith, Holiness, Jesus, Love, Prayer, Scripture

Our God is Like No Other – Advent Reflection, December 3rd

Carrie Sue Barnes

Week One, Sunday – December 3rd

From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides thee, who works for those who wait for him.

Isaiah 64:4, RSV

There are occasional moments when I am overcome by the love of God. I meet the eyes of the stranger taking my meal order or passing me in the store aisle, and hear the Lord say, “I died for this one.” I listen to my children’s laughter and I am filled with awareness that God loves me infinitely more than the humungous love I have for them.

It’s happening right now. I’m writing this at a high-top table in my favorite local cafe, with tears running down my cheeks and a full smile on my face. I’m pretty sure the manager is questioning if he should check on my mental stability.

All good here, sir! I just needed this vanilla chai more than I realized.

This God we love and worship conducts Himself in a wholly unique way. He is a God who serves. He pours Himself out for the ones He loves. He loves! That alone sets Him apart from any other god with whom we could align ourselves.

He loves His lowly creatures; these beings whose existence depends entirely on his divine choice. Our God does not regard us with self-gratifying pride because any good in us is a credit to Him (which is true enough). No, He loves. He crafts us in His own incredible image — in endlessly creative ways — and calls out to our hearts from the moment we are created until we see Him face to face.

He gives Himself to me. He reveals to me my value. He places Himself in unworthy human hands, first by the Incarnation of Jesus Christ, true God and true man, and forever after in every Eucharist I receive.

This Advent, as I prepare to celebrate His marvelous work of the humble birth of Jesus, my prayer is for my heart to fall deeper in love with this God “who works for those who wait for him.” I pray that I will give myself permission to get emotional over his love, and be touched by it in the spaces of my heart that need Him most. I pray that however His love affects me, I’ll have the courage not to thwart it.

Faith, Personal Reflection, Prayer, Scripture

The Two Faces of Still

Carrie Sue Barnes

I have spent what feels like plenty of time growing my knowledge of the effects of trauma, the stages of healing from it, and the gentle patience required to do so. No matter the amount of understanding though, there are days when it all seems to be taking too long. How can these things of the past still weigh so heavily? How do they still influence my emotions as often as they do? Why am I still discovering what sets off my trauma responses?

Still, still, still.

“It’s taking too long, Lord!” I have cried out on more than one occasion.

In those instances, He patiently reminds me that the time spent healing is still small; still disproportionate to the years spent on the receiving end of the relevant experiences. My therapist’s words repeat in my mind, “It’s still early.”

Still, still, still.

How tremendously often that word arises. It happened again last night. I was caught up in the undesirable realities that linger. I am still not writing with any ease. I am still fearful of connection and relationship. I still can’t fall asleep many nights. I still succumb to overwhelm in the face of trauma-triggering circumstances.

“It’s still taking too long, Lord!”

This morning, God invited me to push back and flip that word around. He nudged me to claim it for better things.

“The Lord will fight for you; and you have only to be still” (Exodus 14:14, RSV).

“Be still, and know that I am God; I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10, RSV).

“He awoke and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, ‘Peace! Be still!’ And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm” (Mark 4:39, RSV).

“Now therefore, stand still and see this great thing which the Lord will do before your eyes” (1 Samuel 12:16, RSV).

How different “still” can be from one meaning to the next. I wrestle with all that I strive to release and from which I long to be free. God instructs and invites me, even commands me, to be still.

Me. The storms. The discontent, the fighting, and the fear. Be still.

One detail I note from those verses and others is the stillness occurs in the presence of the Lord as well as right in the circumstances requiring His grace. Amongst the waves and in the thick of the waiting, when what lies ahead remains unknown, and in the face of the fight at hand, I can come before Him and be still.

Be still. God is present.

Be still. God fights.

Be still. God calms.

Be still. God restores.

Be still. God reigns.

Photo by Carrie Sue Barnes
Faith, Friendship, Hope, Personal Reflection, Prayer

On the Way Home

Carrie Sue Barnes

God and I had a hard talk today. Driving home on Highway 43, I railed and prayed and wept for my dear friends and their newly arisen hardships. What a cross is cancer.

I alternated between asking for mercy and a miracle, and voicing demands to know why and how.

Then came a truth that got me through oh so many dark days in the last few years. It cut across my thoughts in a clear voice.

“The Lord God stands in your future.”

My mind quieted and I repeated that truth to myself.

It is not why and how that can bring peace. It is only the truth that God stands in my future; that He stands in my friends’ futures. The Holy Spirit led my thoughts from there.

God stands in all of it – in every period of our lives. Each stretch of the road is a piece of the journey that can lead to Him. To Heaven and our fullness of life for eternity. Only He sees from beginning to end, and where this present piece fits into the whole.

Because of who He is, we can trust Him with the whole thing. Past, present, future can be entrusted to His hands. He, in turn, entrusts a piece back to us. He holds that piece with us. That piece is now. It is the most present part of the present stage of our lives. It is today.

“I give you today. I ask you to bear it, yes, but it only. I give you the joys and sorrows, the tasks and fruits of today. And just as I have not yet given you the time of tomorrow, I have not given you the work of tomorrow. Those worries, wants, and crosses are still in my hands. I stand in your future, a beacon and a fortress. I hold your future. I hold it lovingly in the palm of my hand. There is a refuge there in my hands, even now.”

The Lord God stands in my future. I declare it. I claim it for them and for myself.

“Thou holdest my lot.” (Psalm 16:5b)

“The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” (Psalm 18:2)

“In Him my heart trusts.” (Psalm 28:7b)

Please pray for the Tim and Erin Viau family as they undertake this battle with Tim’s glioblastoma.

If you are interested in supporting the Viaus in additional ways, please consider donating toward their needs during this time of treatments and recovery. https://gofund.me/b8a4b42d
Faith, Hope, Personal Reflection, Prayer

Surrender

Carrie Sue Barnes

“Cause you know just what we need before we say a word.”

I drove to Sheboygan today loudly singing songs in between talking to the Holy Spirit. I swear I could feel my sister praying for me from heaven. One of her favorites started playing, “Good, Good Father” by Chris Tomlin, and when these lyrics reached my ears, they looped round my mind a few times while the song continued on unheard. He already knows, I thought. He is in control.

It was a moment of surrender, which isn’t the easiest for any of us, I’d say, especially in the traumatic times.

Whether we believe in God as I do or the universe or nature or any other power above us, we all have a pull inside us to surrender. To give up an impossible attempt at being in control. We chase the relief of letting go. The peace of that surrender calls to us– peace that is oh so hard to make our own.

For a moment there, that peace rushed in and filled cracks and wounds and voids. Filled them whole. And even as that tide of healing slipped back out, it left all those places coated in the sweet holy water of real peace. And there was just a little more strength in me. A little more calm. A little more faith.

I am nearer to who I am trying to be, and even nearer to who I already am underneath the layers of alteration. I am nearer now than yesterday and last week and last month and last decade. That is all I’ll seek each day. That’s some of the daily bread I ask of my Father.



Some days it’s hard to feel any progress. Some days have me skidding downhill. Then some days the light down the path grows clearly brighter and bigger, and I know deep down that I’m moving toward it.

Faith, Family, Hope, Personal Reflection, Prayer

We Don’t Know

Carrie Sue Barnes

I don’t want to write this post. I don’t feel like writing it.

I thought about writing it immediately after reading my sister’s message Friday night. I thought about writing it first thing Saturday morning, when I saw other family members’ social media posts. I wrote it in my head while I made breakfast for my kids. Still, I avoided sitting down at my computer and typing it out. Instead, I scrawled out some notes I didn’t want to lose, and went for a run.

I ran and I thought.

I thought about what I’ll feel toward God if the cancer takes my sister in the end. I thought about the anger I’ll experience. Would I feel it toward Him? Toward everything? Or maybe toward nothing, a fiery arrow of anger with no target for release?

I thought about timing, wishing pointlessly that I could tell God my preferences and they’d be taken into account with weight equal to His wisdom. Timing. If the cancer has returned, if her remission is slipping away, why is it happening during a pandemic? When we can’t be with each other? When hospital stays are endured alone, with no visitors? Timing. Her second grandchild is on the way. Growing, developing, taking shape in her daughter’s womb. A gift. A rainbow baby. I have some things to say to Him about timing.

This post sat in my head the remainder of yesterday but I knew I needed to write it this morning. Sunday morning, barren of congregations gathered to worship and pray as one. This is exactly when I should write it.

The reason to write is simple: to ask all of you to pray for my sister’s healing from lymphoma. Simple, and something I’ve done several times already. Why the avoidance, then?

I didn’t want to write it because it feels too much like admitting defeat. Feelings can lie though. They’re masters at it. Asking for prayers is not admitting defeat. It’s admitting faith.

Due to 35 days straight of low grade fevers, and being bedridden for much of that time, they have tested Cheryl for any possible explanation for her symptoms. The only one reasonably left is that the cancer is relapsing. The doctors have admitted this to be the case and she will undergo new scans and biopsies to check the truth of it.

We don’t know yet if the cancer is growing again.

We don’t know yet if God has a miracle for Cheryl.

I’m going to stop getting ahead of myself and admit that just as much as I don’t know the former, I don’t know the latter either. So, I ask you to pray. I ask you to believe in your prayers. I’ll do the same.

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Cheryl and her husband Tom, March 2020